Gossip and Slander

Was Paul slandering Hymenaeus and Alexander when he described them as those who have rejected faith and a good conscience? He was warning others who were at risk of being harmed by them. How about Alexander the coppersmith, who harmed him personally? Was it wrong for Paul to warn Timothy about him? What about John, calling out Diotrephes as loving the preeminence and refusing to receive brethren and excommunicating those who did receive them? Was he guilty of slander? 

In the first example, we see a warning about behavior that poses a potential risk to those who are being warned. In the second we see a report of a wrong that was experienced directly by the one who is exposing it, and in the third, we see behavior that is actively causing harm. None of these are either gossip or slander, for a variety of reasons. These were true and necessary warnings about those people’s behavior.

Slander is something untrue that is designed to cause harm or undermine another’s reputation. Since neither Paul nor John were speaking falsely, that means it was not slander, but if it isn’t slander, would it qualify as gossip? No! While gossip is similar to slander, in that it is also designed to undermine another person’s reputation or cause harm, it is different in that this is exposing things that are secret and should be kept secret. Warnings about another person’s harmful behavior is not gossip, since it is not something that should be kept secret from those who may be harmed by it. If the reports of harmful behavior are false, then it would be slander.

“Talebearer” is the word for gossip in Scripture, and it refers to someone who goes about to reveal secrets. Both the slanderer and the talebearer are using secrets or lies to harm one person while gaining favor with another. Thankfully, Scripture has some great instructions for how to recognize these types of people in Proverbs 26:17-28.

First, a gossip / slanderer will invite others to join in a conflict that is unrelated to you, and they will tend to cultivate insider relationships to get you “on their side.” This often comes with comparative flattery. It sounds like, “You are a good friend, unlike [name], who is [insert derogatory comment here].” Sometimes the derogatory information can be couched in framing language, “I love and care for [name]…but they [insert derogatory information].” If this information has no bearing on you and serves to undermine the other, it is slander or gossip.

Sometimes gossip comes disguised as humor, a pernicious kind of humor that comes with barbs and poison. They deceive and if they are called out on it, they respond with some variation of, “I am just joking.” The comment may prove hurtful, and the gossip / slanderer may try to shift the blame by saying that the one who is hurt doesn’t know how to take a joke. This is extremely destructive. Proverbs describes it as casting firebrands, arrows, and death. Conflict follows them, but when you disengage, the strife dissipates. This is because they gain social advantage through drama, fanning the flames, and feeding the fire.

The words spread by the talebearer are like poison that hurts deeply. The combination of an evil intent with this kind of verbal tactics will give a wound that is difficult to heal. This is the kind of person who hates another but conceals that hatred behind words that can sound good but are dripping with poison. Such a person is always exposed eventually, and they leave a wake of broken relationships behind them. Eventually they become a victim of the very same kind of behavior, and nobody is more vigilant to call out gossip and slander than those who are guilty of gossip and slander. They will try to preserve their own reputation by controlling the spread of the truth, but their flattery and deceit will catch up to them and invite ruin. 

These kinds of people should be avoided.

Here is how you can avoid becoming (or falling victim to) a slanderer / gossip:

1. Speak only necessary truth

2. Do not allow information to capture your attention / loyalty

3. Avoid conflict where you are not involved or able to mediate

4. Get very good at understanding how easy it is to be deceived

   1. Don’t trust third party information

   2. Don’t trust demands for loyalty

   3. Don’t trust those who tend to hurt others verbally

   4. Pay attention to your own cognitive bias

   5. Pay attention to those who use cognitive bias

   6. Pay attention to what will be edifying / helpful

Lastly…if you want to shut down gossip and slander, use this one simple rule: If a person is brought up in a way that harms them or their reputation, commit to bringing the content of that conversation directly to them. You will not be a fertile place for gossip and slander to grow.