For the Christian, confronting abuse is spiritual battle. The bottom line is that you are bringing the light of the gospel to bear on a very dark situation. You are speaking the truth into a world that depends on deception. You are genuinely confronting a dangerous situation, and you need to be prepared.

Jesus was preparing His disciples for the danger that they would face in Matthew 10, and His advice was especially applicable to the Christian dealing with abuse. He said to them, “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” He told them that they could expect to be dragged before the powerful of their day, to stand trial under all kinds of false accusations. In the face of such persecution, the disciples were not to become wolves themselves. Instead, Jesus instructs them to be harmless like a dove, but also to be wise like a snake.

In order to appropriate this wisdom, the disciples would need to first to understand that the gospel is genuinely subversive to any abusive authority. This is because such authorities will tend to interpret the Christian’s devotion to the Lordship of Christ as a direct threat to their own privilege and power. Centuries of history have aptly demonstrated that the world will not tolerate this subversion without a fight, and in the abusive relationship, we find a similar dynamic.

Some have attempted to offset this dynamic by using political power to advance the Christian message, but history has also demonstrated that this approach only results in similar oppression, just with a thin veneer of godliness. The ultimate effect is to create an abusive authority, which wrongly appropriates Scripture to validate their abuse. The fact is that such methods are directly opposite of how Scripture encourages the Christian to engage. Jesus assures us that his kingdom is not flesh and blood, and Paul instructs us that we fight against a spiritual enemy, which requires a different kind of warfare.

When it comes to abuse, some make the same kind of error, believing that abuse can be confronted with equal or greater power. The problem is that this is not a particularly effective strategy. The reason is two-fold. First, abusers tend to operate from a position of power, and they are adept at using any mechanisms of power that are found in various cultural, organizational, or legal structures. Second, and perhaps more important, every type of power that can be devised to directly oppose the abuser can and will also be used by them as a tool of oppression.

Whether the abuse is political or personal, we will need to trust that God’s power is sufficient, and we must fight it with the methods that he has given us.

Of course, abusers have a vested interest in neutering the subversive nature of the gospel in the life of their victims, and they will often use religious verbiage and even misappropriate Scripture in an attempt to validate their entitlement or excuse their abuse. They are depending on an interpretation of Scripture that encourages victims toward appeasement, but this will inevitably create a moral conflict between the presumed lordship of the abuser and the genuine lordship of Christ. (This, by the way, is the biggest flaw in the pernicious “Umbrella of Authority” graphic that is so common in some Christian circles.)

Appeasement also creates a conflict in worship, where devotion to the abuser supplants devotion to Christ, and to make matters worse, giving in to an abusive person will only encourage their entitlement and embolden their mistreatment. As a result, Christ’s teaching cannot rightly be seen as an encouragement toward an idolatrous appeasement. This leads us to conclude that Jesus’ instruction to be harmless must rather be speaking to the manner in which we live and speak to the abusers.

Christians are not as much against the abuser as we are for Christ, it is precisely because we are walking according the the lordship of Christ that we must stand against the oppressor, but we must do this with great care and wisdom. For the sake of the gospel we render to Caesar that which is his, but we do not do so at the expense of rendering to God that which rightfully belongs to Him. In other words, the balance we must strike is to remain firmly devoted to the subversive lordship of Christ, while we also strive to be as peaceable and unthreatening to the abusive power as possible.

It is interesting that Jesus encouraged the disciples to be wise like a snake, a predatory animal that relies on more subtle and patient means to overtake their prey. They know when to disappear into the grass and they know how, when, and where to strike. When dealing with abusive authorities, we need to know the truth; we need to be very patient and circumspect; but we should not be timid or afraid when the time comes to take a decisive stand.

Confronting abuse requires a radical commitment to the truth. This is true for the victim, who needs to be able to tell themselves the truth about their situation and to be able to recognize the abuser’s lies that they have previously believed. It is also true for the victim’s helpers, who must have a firm grasp on what is really happening and avoid any exaggerations, omissions, or unfounded predictions. The importance of this radical commitment cannot be overstated.

However, we need to be aware that because the truth of the gospel is subversive, the abuser may sense the threat and work overtime to subvert both the truth and those who speak it, preferring to hide behind the well-crafted lies that have protected them for so long. When confronting such a situation, it is critical to know that truth spoken at the wrong time or in the wrong way can be easily mistaken for the lie!

Further, if the abuser cannot win with subtlety, they may escalate their fight in order to maintain their entitled control. A truth spoken at the wrong time or in the wrong way can provoke a rapid and very dangerous escalation. When it comes to understanding abuse, the potential for destruction is much higher than most people realize.

Even in the hands of well-meaning and good-hearted people, the truth without wisdom can do a great deal of damage. Many of our cases come to us because a victim has been given what might have been good advice, but it was either at the wrong time or for a different kind of situation. As a result, their case is a quagmire of tangled lies, half-truths, and truths that look like lies. Some, because of inexperience or a lack of understanding, have given unwise advice, and in the process they have left victims in a much worse situation.

The problem is that knowledge is not sufficient! It is like a hammer. It can be used constructively, or it can be used to do a great deal of damage. A great deal of damage can be done by those who have read a few books, packed their toolbox with a few tools, but they lack the wisdom to know how and when to use which tools.

Over the years we have been asked to give training on recognizing and responding to abuse. The challenge is in balancing the knowledge needed with the wisdom to know when to use it. Even so, there are no shortcuts, and the helper who would be wise should spend some time learning the limits of human judgment (even “expert” judgment), remember how easy it is to be deceived, and take opportunities to learn from an experienced mentor or coach.

You may have hoped to avoid a confrontation; you may be trapped in a situation where you have no choice but to respond. In that moment, remember this: the truth, spoken with grace, is a powerful force. So arm yourself with all the truth and wisdom you can, but never forget that you will need a supernatural wisdom to walk this road! Jesus continued his advice to the disciples by telling them that they should flee oppression when they could, but sooner or later they would be forced to give an answer in court, and that when that time comes, they should trust God to give them the words to speak.

The true secret behind our ministry is this: we trust the wisdom of God. We take as much time as we can to understand, to discern, and to speak the truth. However first and foremost, this requires a firm commitment to knowing the Word of God and operating under the control of the Holy Spirit.

We like to tell our clients that God is a far better warrior than any advocate. Where we and our client are both committed to living in and speaking the truth, according to the Word of God, we have never seen God fail to fight on behalf of our clients. He is faithful; He is good; and He is the Lord of Hosts. While earthly resources fail, God will never fail. You can trust Him.